Words escape me. They really do.
I feel like I wake up every morning and just continue to "be" without much purpose. without much passion. without much excitement. I just go through the motions of my day.
And I hate it.
I don't want to, because I know God's blessed me in so many ways, but I do. Yes, I am getting married. But that's something in the future. Not in the here and now. I feel like everything I want in life is in the future and not in the present. And I'm not quite sure how to get there, to the future, and it's frustrating me. Frustrating to the point where I feel like I'm being suffocated. No, I'm not at all having doubts. I absolutely want to marry Ian Edwards Mattoon. He's the man of my dreams and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. That's never been a question.
The question is, where do we go next? as in, after the marriage ceremony and we are starting life together as one. The air I'm breathing here is stagnant, stale, and unbearable. So unless this air gets freshened up, I don't know how much longer I'll be able to breathe... vida... devuélveme el aire...
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