se me falta el tiempo...

I like how Spanish speakers say things. Nothing is ever their fault. "Time slipped away on me." It's not the speaker's fault; it's time's fault.


That's how I feel pretty much everyday. Time slipped away. There's never enough time for anything. There's not enough time for organizing our house, getting settled in. There's not enough time for my relationship with God. There's not enough time for cleaning or laundry.

Last night, I decided to open up my bible study again (becoming a simple lady is not going so well...) and I had to read the story of Martha and Mary. They are hosting this big dinner for Jesus and his disciples at their home. Martha is running around, trying to get everything ready for the meal; while her sister Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet, soaking in his words and his presence. Martha gets angry that she's the only one trying to make the preparations and she asks Jesus to rebuke Mary for not helping. Jesus, in turn, actually rebukes Martha for how she is spending her time with him; running around, trying to serve him, while Mary is simply being with him.

I can't tell you how many times I've read that story, but every time I wish I could call myself a Mary- choosing the thing that is most pleasing in God's sight, dwelling in his presence. But I know my actions would have been like Martha's. This is the constant struggle I have had with this bible study. I feel like I don't know how to make time for God. I've been getting by for so long now just squeezing him in, I forgot what it was like to want to dwell in his presence every morning.

God, only You can change my heart. I'm begging you. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to want YOU above all else in my life. Change my heart. Give me the desire to sit at your feet like Mary. Only You are worthy of my praise, God. Help me live like that. I can do nothing without You.

Once you are rooted in reality, nothing can shake you. If your faith is based on experiences, anything that happens is likely to upset that faith. But nothing can ever change God or the reality of redemption. Base your faith on that, and you are as eternally secure as God Himself.

--Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, An Updated Edition in Today's Language, 3 December.

entumecido (numb)

Feeling nothing. This is what I feel like our reactions to things are most of the time. Some big, crazy tragedy happens and we feel nothing.

Not that we see tragedy everyday and so it's nothing to us.

We hear about something and then block it out with our ipods and ipads and laptops and social networking and t.v. ... the list could go on and on. We choose to not think about it, to not truly listen to what's going on, and distract ourselves from the realities of life.

This is how I was about Haiti- a place that will forever be in my heart after my first international mission trip there in 2005. That is until last week when I read this article:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100902/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/cb_fea_haiti_hotel_montana

I knew that it was a tragedy, what had happened there because of the earthquake. I even cried about it, once. But only because I was asked to speak about it for my church's youth group. Even after, I refused to keep up with what was going on there because I didn't want to feel anything towards it. I wanted to just continue to go about my life, unaffected by this tragedy.

Once you actually put faces and names to the tragedy... it suddenly becomes real. Real people who were loved and cherished died. Not just "some people over there..." REAL people. It's crazy how it really takes that much to pull us from our numbness and our distractions.

 I pray for the people whose lives have been forever changed because of this tragedy. I pray, also, for us who claim to be followers of Christ, yet hide in our safe bubbles of "Christian community" and choose to not be moved by God.

Feeling is a dangerous thing. Once you do, there's no going back.