I like how Spanish speakers say things. Nothing is ever their fault. "Time slipped away on me." It's not the speaker's fault; it's time's fault.
That's how I feel pretty much everyday. Time slipped away. There's never enough time for anything. There's not enough time for organizing our house, getting settled in. There's not enough time for my relationship with God. There's not enough time for cleaning or laundry.
Last night, I decided to open up my bible study again (becoming a simple lady is not going so well...) and I had to read the story of Martha and Mary. They are hosting this big dinner for Jesus and his disciples at their home. Martha is running around, trying to get everything ready for the meal; while her sister Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet, soaking in his words and his presence. Martha gets angry that she's the only one trying to make the preparations and she asks Jesus to rebuke Mary for not helping. Jesus, in turn, actually rebukes Martha for how she is spending her time with him; running around, trying to serve him, while Mary is simply being with him.
I can't tell you how many times I've read that story, but every time I wish I could call myself a Mary- choosing the thing that is most pleasing in God's sight, dwelling in his presence. But I know my actions would have been like Martha's. This is the constant struggle I have had with this bible study. I feel like I don't know how to make time for God. I've been getting by for so long now just squeezing him in, I forgot what it was like to want to dwell in his presence every morning.
God, only You can change my heart. I'm begging you. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to want YOU above all else in my life. Change my heart. Give me the desire to sit at your feet like Mary. Only You are worthy of my praise, God. Help me live like that. I can do nothing without You.
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