¿arrogante? ¿yo?

I have never thought of myself as an arrogant person. Nor would that ever be a word I would want someone to describe me as. Yet, I am starting to realize that I act or think arrogantly when it comes to my relationship with God. I have come to this harsh realization after a very humbling experience in my workplace.

Rewind back to two weeks ago. My supervisor was VERY pregnant and patiently awaiting the arrival of her daughter. I was praying everyday that she would have her baby and finally be able to hold her in her arms... but I was also selfishly praying that she would have her baby for my benefit.
If you know anything about me, you know my heart for missions and how my husband and I are planning to do missions in Mexico in the very near future. Shortly before this week, there came an opportunity for my husband and I to go on an exploratory mission trip with our church in January. This trip would be a step in the direction of going to Mexico long-term.

Insert [my selfish prayers] here.

If my supervisor had her baby that week, I would be able to go on the trip, no problem, because she would be back to work in time for me to go. If not, I would have to try to find someone to cover for me while I would be gone and it would inconvenience me and a lot of other people. The selfishness behind my prayers was that I wanted God to work things out in the way that would work best for me.
Who am I to tell God what would be best? Who am I to prevent God from doing work in other people's lives? Who am I to limit God and tell him what would be best? 

I know so little in the grand scheme of God's plan. I don't know whats going on in my co-workers' hearts. Why was I not so eager to let God use me in their lives? To let them help me accomplish the goal?

Selfishness and arrogance. I am not my own, I do not plan my steps, I do not know everything.

en mi corazón

Earlier this week, I was pointed to a passage in Isaiah 61 that I've been drawn to.
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
       because the LORD has anointed me
       to preach good news to the poor.
       He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
       to proclaim freedom for the captives
       and release from darkness for the prisoners, 
(v1)
As I read this early this week, I started to think about the youth that I work with. They are the poor, the brokenhearted, the captives, the prisoners...
 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
       and the day of vengeance of our God,
       to comfort all who mourn,
 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
       to bestow on them a crown of beauty
       instead of ashes,
       the oil of gladness
       instead of mourning,
       and a garment of praise
       instead of a spirit of despair.
       They will be called oaks of righteousness,
       a planting of the LORD
       for the display of his splendor.
(vv2-3)

I can't help but feel a sense of purpose with work upon reading this. I feel very cheesy about it, but I have been praying for God to open my heart to my job more. All of my  students need prayer and a lot of times I have a really hard heart against them because they annoy me, they lie to me, they disrespect me, etc. That in itself shows the selfishness of my heart. Those are the ones I should be praying for the most.
Gracias, Señor, por tu fieldad.