I have never thought of myself as an arrogant person. Nor would that ever be a word I would want someone to describe me as. Yet, I am starting to realize that I act or think arrogantly when it comes to my relationship with God. I have come to this harsh realization after a very humbling experience in my workplace.
Rewind back to two weeks ago. My supervisor was VERY pregnant and patiently awaiting the arrival of her daughter. I was praying everyday that she would have her baby and finally be able to hold her in her arms... but I was also selfishly praying that she would have her baby for my benefit.
If you know anything about me, you know my heart for missions and how my husband and I are planning to do missions in Mexico in the very near future. Shortly before this week, there came an opportunity for my husband and I to go on an exploratory mission trip with our church in January. This trip would be a step in the direction of going to Mexico long-term.
Insert [my selfish prayers] here.
If my supervisor had her baby that week, I would be able to go on the trip, no problem, because she would be back to work in time for me to go. If not, I would have to try to find someone to cover for me while I would be gone and it would inconvenience me and a lot of other people. The selfishness behind my prayers was that I wanted God to work things out in the way that would work best for me.
Who am I to tell God what would be best? Who am I to prevent God from doing work in other people's lives? Who am I to limit God and tell him what would be best?
I know so little in the grand scheme of God's plan. I don't know whats going on in my co-workers' hearts. Why was I not so eager to let God use me in their lives? To let them help me accomplish the goal?
Selfishness and arrogance. I am not my own, I do not plan my steps, I do not know everything.
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