Waiting and praying...

Have you ever, after a period of intense waiting on the Lord, begging for answers, hated the response that you got?

This happened to me just the other day. After obediently praying and waiting on the Lord, he gave an answer that I was not expecting, nor that I thought I could handle. Okay... so maybe I wasn't "obediently" praying as I was selfishly crying out for the outcome that I wanted. So when the unanticipated answer came, I was not ready for it.

See, I had been planning out in my head how things would go next, when the Lord responded in the way I was expecting. But that didn't happen. The next few weeks of my life are not going to be filled with the excitement that I thought they would. But more waiting and praying.

I was expecting that, because the Lord is gracious and hears and responds to the prayers of those who love him, God would respond in a specific way to my prayers. I couldn't think of a reason why he would respond any other way.

This is where I made my mistake. The Lord does not always respond in the ways that we think he will. In my personal experience, he rarely EVER responds how I think he will. So why did I let myself give in to wishful thinking to only be so let down and disappointed by the response?

"Look here, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there for a year. We will do business there and make a profit.' How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like a morning fog- it is here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, 'If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that.' Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans and all such boasting is evil."  -James 4:12-16

Ugh. Yes. Thanks, James. That is what I ought to say. Even though I wasn't saying it out loud, I definitely was telling myself the plans I had for me. This whole "taking-life-one-day-at-a-time" thing is a lot harder than I thought. At least there's still hope for change, right? I can get this right yet... Only trusting in God though. I will always fail on my own. Just need to keep in mind:

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." -Proverbs 16:9