éxito/fracaso de 2010

I read this on one of the blogs I follow. http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/ to be exact. Ever since I read this post, I've been thinking about my own. What is my greatest success and failure of 2010?

I would have to say my greatest success was definitely marrying my best friend and committing to living life and serving God with him for the rest of our lives.

Biggest failure... choosing myself over God more times than I would like to admit.

My hope and prayer for 2011 is that my 2010 failure can become a success.

"A Stick, A Carrot & String" by mewithoutYou

The Horse's hay beneath His head our Lord was born to a manger bed, that all whose wells run dry could drink of His supply.
To keep Him warm the Sheep drew near, so grateful for His coming here: You come with news of grace, come to take my place!

The Donkey whispered in His ear: Child, in thirty-some-odd years, You'll ride someone who looks like me (untriumphantly).

While the Cardinals warbled a joyful song: He'll make right what man made wrong, bringing low the hills, that the valleys might be filled!

Then Child, asked the birds, well, aren't they lovely words we sing?
The tiny Baby lay there without saying anything.

At a distance stood a mangy Goat with a crooked teeth and a matted coat, weary eyes and worn, chipped & twisted horns.
Thinking: Maybe I'll make friends some day with the Cows in the pens and the Rambouillet, but for now I'll keep away - I got nothin' smart to say.

But there's a sign on the barn in the Cabbagetown: WHEN THE RAIN PICKS UP AND THE SUN GOES DOWN, SINNERS, COME INSIDE!
WITH NO MONEY, COME AND BUY.
NO CLEVER TALK NOR GIFT TO BRING REQUIRES OUR LOWLY, LOVELY KING.
COME YOU EMPTYHANDED, YOU DON'T NEED ANYTHING.

And the night was cool and clear as glass with the sneaking Snake in the garden grass, as Deep cried out to Deep, the Disciples fast asleep.
And the snake perked up when he heard You ask: if You're willing that this cup might pass we could find our way back home, maybe start a family all our own...but does not the Father guide the Son?
Not my will but Yours be done!
What else here to do?
What else me but You???

And the snake who'd held the world, a stick, a carrot and a string, was crushed beneath the Foot of Your not wanting anything."

ezperanza

I'm doing this advent devotional to help me remember the REASON for this wonderful season we are in the midst of. One of the posts I read last week said this:

"Why is the date of an individual's death hidden from him? Clearly it is so that he might always do good, since he can expect to die at any moment. The date of Christ's second advent is withheld from the world for the same reason, namely, so that every generation might live in the expectation of Christ's return."

This struck a chord in my heart. Being (relatively) newly married, I've got a lot of plans left in my head for my life with my husband. Whenever I don't get around to something I am intending to do, I always think, "Eh, there's always tomorrow..." Or, "It'll be better tomorrow..." "I'll be better tomorrow..."
But God intends for us to be expectant and hopeful always. Waiting for the moment when Jesus comes again. I feel like I can't imagine what it would be like to live this way, but I have a great example of it everyday.

There's a couple who go to my church that have adopted two kids, a brother and sister, from Mexico. Legally in Mexico, the kids belong to them... but the United States will not let them come here. Somewhere along the way, during their several year process, some of the laws changed for international adoption- but no one dealing with their case caught the error before it was too late. Now, the kids are continuing to live in an orphanage, knowing that they have two legal, loving parents who are waiting to take them in to their home. Yet, the parents are always hopeful. Always expecting that God is going to move and allow their kids to come home. They do not know the day or time when it will happen, but they are always expectant. I want to be more like that. God change my heart. Take away my cynicism and soften my heart to your power and your glory.

"This is why, when his disciples asked him, "Lord, will you restore the kingdom to Israel at this time?" Jesus replied, "It is not for you to know the times and the seasons which the Father has established by his authority."
Quotes taken from Incomplete Work on Matthew, Homily 51

Right now we are in an age of religious complexity. The simplicity which is in Christ is rarely found among us. In its stead are programs, methods, organizations and a world of other nervous activities which occupy time and attention but can never satisfy the longing of the heart.

--A. W. Tozer

¿arrogante? ¿yo?

I have never thought of myself as an arrogant person. Nor would that ever be a word I would want someone to describe me as. Yet, I am starting to realize that I act or think arrogantly when it comes to my relationship with God. I have come to this harsh realization after a very humbling experience in my workplace.

Rewind back to two weeks ago. My supervisor was VERY pregnant and patiently awaiting the arrival of her daughter. I was praying everyday that she would have her baby and finally be able to hold her in her arms... but I was also selfishly praying that she would have her baby for my benefit.
If you know anything about me, you know my heart for missions and how my husband and I are planning to do missions in Mexico in the very near future. Shortly before this week, there came an opportunity for my husband and I to go on an exploratory mission trip with our church in January. This trip would be a step in the direction of going to Mexico long-term.

Insert [my selfish prayers] here.

If my supervisor had her baby that week, I would be able to go on the trip, no problem, because she would be back to work in time for me to go. If not, I would have to try to find someone to cover for me while I would be gone and it would inconvenience me and a lot of other people. The selfishness behind my prayers was that I wanted God to work things out in the way that would work best for me.
Who am I to tell God what would be best? Who am I to prevent God from doing work in other people's lives? Who am I to limit God and tell him what would be best? 

I know so little in the grand scheme of God's plan. I don't know whats going on in my co-workers' hearts. Why was I not so eager to let God use me in their lives? To let them help me accomplish the goal?

Selfishness and arrogance. I am not my own, I do not plan my steps, I do not know everything.

en mi corazón

Earlier this week, I was pointed to a passage in Isaiah 61 that I've been drawn to.
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
       because the LORD has anointed me
       to preach good news to the poor.
       He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
       to proclaim freedom for the captives
       and release from darkness for the prisoners, 
(v1)
As I read this early this week, I started to think about the youth that I work with. They are the poor, the brokenhearted, the captives, the prisoners...
 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
       and the day of vengeance of our God,
       to comfort all who mourn,
 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
       to bestow on them a crown of beauty
       instead of ashes,
       the oil of gladness
       instead of mourning,
       and a garment of praise
       instead of a spirit of despair.
       They will be called oaks of righteousness,
       a planting of the LORD
       for the display of his splendor.
(vv2-3)

I can't help but feel a sense of purpose with work upon reading this. I feel very cheesy about it, but I have been praying for God to open my heart to my job more. All of my  students need prayer and a lot of times I have a really hard heart against them because they annoy me, they lie to me, they disrespect me, etc. That in itself shows the selfishness of my heart. Those are the ones I should be praying for the most.
Gracias, Señor, por tu fieldad.

se me falta el tiempo...

I like how Spanish speakers say things. Nothing is ever their fault. "Time slipped away on me." It's not the speaker's fault; it's time's fault.


That's how I feel pretty much everyday. Time slipped away. There's never enough time for anything. There's not enough time for organizing our house, getting settled in. There's not enough time for my relationship with God. There's not enough time for cleaning or laundry.

Last night, I decided to open up my bible study again (becoming a simple lady is not going so well...) and I had to read the story of Martha and Mary. They are hosting this big dinner for Jesus and his disciples at their home. Martha is running around, trying to get everything ready for the meal; while her sister Mary is sitting at Jesus' feet, soaking in his words and his presence. Martha gets angry that she's the only one trying to make the preparations and she asks Jesus to rebuke Mary for not helping. Jesus, in turn, actually rebukes Martha for how she is spending her time with him; running around, trying to serve him, while Mary is simply being with him.

I can't tell you how many times I've read that story, but every time I wish I could call myself a Mary- choosing the thing that is most pleasing in God's sight, dwelling in his presence. But I know my actions would have been like Martha's. This is the constant struggle I have had with this bible study. I feel like I don't know how to make time for God. I've been getting by for so long now just squeezing him in, I forgot what it was like to want to dwell in his presence every morning.

God, only You can change my heart. I'm begging you. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to want YOU above all else in my life. Change my heart. Give me the desire to sit at your feet like Mary. Only You are worthy of my praise, God. Help me live like that. I can do nothing without You.

Once you are rooted in reality, nothing can shake you. If your faith is based on experiences, anything that happens is likely to upset that faith. But nothing can ever change God or the reality of redemption. Base your faith on that, and you are as eternally secure as God Himself.

--Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, An Updated Edition in Today's Language, 3 December.

entumecido (numb)

Feeling nothing. This is what I feel like our reactions to things are most of the time. Some big, crazy tragedy happens and we feel nothing.

Not that we see tragedy everyday and so it's nothing to us.

We hear about something and then block it out with our ipods and ipads and laptops and social networking and t.v. ... the list could go on and on. We choose to not think about it, to not truly listen to what's going on, and distract ourselves from the realities of life.

This is how I was about Haiti- a place that will forever be in my heart after my first international mission trip there in 2005. That is until last week when I read this article:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100902/ap_on_re_la_am_ca/cb_fea_haiti_hotel_montana

I knew that it was a tragedy, what had happened there because of the earthquake. I even cried about it, once. But only because I was asked to speak about it for my church's youth group. Even after, I refused to keep up with what was going on there because I didn't want to feel anything towards it. I wanted to just continue to go about my life, unaffected by this tragedy.

Once you actually put faces and names to the tragedy... it suddenly becomes real. Real people who were loved and cherished died. Not just "some people over there..." REAL people. It's crazy how it really takes that much to pull us from our numbness and our distractions.

 I pray for the people whose lives have been forever changed because of this tragedy. I pray, also, for us who claim to be followers of Christ, yet hide in our safe bubbles of "Christian community" and choose to not be moved by God.

Feeling is a dangerous thing. Once you do, there's no going back.

heridas que hablan de tu inmenso amor...

It's really easy to get so distracted, we forget about God's love. We take our eyes off of the cross, what He did and what it means, and we just truck on through our days as if we're living just for the next big thing. Living for the next big adventure, instead of always dwelling WITH God and in reverence of Him and His love.

This whole idea came to mind as I was listening to an old mixed CD that I had made almost two years ago. There's a song on it that part of it always made me stop whatever I was doing and just sing out to God. These lyrics are from "Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay.

I look beyond the empty cross, forgetting what my life has cost.
I wipe away the crimson stain, and dull the nails that still remain.
More and more I need you now. I owe you more each passing hour.
The battle between grace and pride, I gave up not so long ago.
So steal my heart and take my pain, Wash my feet and cleanse my pride.
Take the selfish, take the weak, and all the things I cannot hide.
Take the beauty, take my tears, this sin-soaked heart and make it yours,
Take my world apart, take it now, take it now,
And serve the ones that I despise, speak the words I can't deny,
And watch the world I used to know fall to dust and blow away.
I look beyond the empty cross, forgetting what my life has cost.
Wipe away the crimson stains, and dull the nails that still remain.
So steal my heart and take my pain, take the selfish take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide,
Take the beauty, take my tears, take my world apart.
Take my world apart.
I pray. 

If there were any way that I could make a visual depition of these lyrics, I would want to get it tattooed on my body. So to remember all I would have to do is look down...

He looked at a harlot and saw someone worthy of love.

--Francine Rivers, Redeeming Love, p. 179

becoming a woman of...

"I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ."
(2 Corinthians 11:3)

My best friend Dana and I have done many bible studies over the years to bring us closer to the women that God intends for us to be. We have strived to become women of excellence, faith, and freedom. This week, we are embarking on a new adventure...

Becoming a woman of simplicity.

We are not entirely sure what this will be like, though I am sure we will not be like Quaker women by the end of this 11 week journey. And by no means do we hope to "master" what it means to be a woman of simplicity. In fact, I'm pretty sure I could repeat all of Cynthia Heald's studies for the rest of my life and learn something new every time. But this will be an exciting new quest and I am very much looking forward to how this is going to rock my world.

And it is entirely possible that I will regret that statement a few weeks from now.

Here's to simplicity...

desafío

 And I want women to be modest in their appearance.They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.   -1 Timothy 2:9-10

How often am I actually seeking to be attractive by my actions? Mostly not. Because we think it's the outward appearance that matters. That it's what people SEE that counts. But that's only the surface level. Most of the time, that stuff will only be attractive to people who only care about what's on the outside, people who don't want to really be friends. Pursuing a hip and cool exterior often will only produce surface-level friendships with people.

But when people are attracted to you by your actions, by the things that you do, that's when relationships are real. Because your actions show people your heart. And when people see your heart, they know what kind of a person you are. "As a face is reflected in water, so the heart reflects the real person." (Proverbs 27:19)

This passage has really challenged me. It's a challenge to think a lot more about what I'm living for day to day. Am I trying to make people think highly of me by my exterior? Or am I seeking to love and serve God in everything I do and trusting that people will see who I am and think highly of me through that?

Hey now, this is my desire- consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful to touch me. I know that I'm in reach, 'cause I am down on my knees, waiting for something beautiful...

--Needtobreathe, "Something Beautiful"

Proverbios 16:9

"El corazón del hombre traza su rumbo, pero sus pasos los dirige el Señor."
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
 
Little did I know after writing that last text post about love and sacrifice how real this would become in my life.  

My plans this week were to be in Monterrey, Mexico with a team of about 60 people from my church; working, serving, and loving on the abandoned children in the homes partnered with Back 2 Back Ministries.

God's plans... are turning out to be a lot different. Because of Hurricane Alex (see the video in my most recent post) our large group trip had to be canceled. But a small team of 6 men from my church was assembled to go down and bring relief to the hurting areas partnered with Back 2 Back. My husband was one of those who was asked to go. He is on his way now, and they should be landing in Monterrey in about an hour.

When Ian told me about this small group going down and that he was asked to be a part of it, I had no reservations about him going... however, it breaks my heart that I can't be going, too. Mexico has been on my heart for about 5 years now and I do feel a calling to go and be there; working, serving, loving... I know God has gifted me with the language and a love for the culture. Now that they are in a time of crisis, I want to be there more than ever.

But that's not God's plan for me. Even six months ago, as we were making arrangements for this trip, God knew... that this was His plan. This tragedy would happen and 6 of them would go, instead of 60. It would have been an act of absolute ugly selfishness for me to tell Ian he couldn't go if I couldn't go with him. I was faced with a situation to love my God and my husband more than I love myself.
I know that God is sovereign in all of this. I know that God has things for me to learn from this that I couldn't learn any other way. He has a much greater purpose and plan than anything we could have come up with on our own.

So for now, I pray for Monterrey and the other areas of Mexico that have been effected by the hurricane. I pray for the safety of the "Riverview 6" as they are traveling and working down there. I pray for endurance with the work that is set before them; humble hearts as they step into this chaotic situation; that they would be leaning and depending on God's strength and power to accomplish their work.

Amen.

Amar = Sacrificar

To love is to sacrifice.

Love is sacrifice.

The Beatles said, “All you need is love.”

Love is what we all want. The kind of love where someone will give up whatever they are doing and what they want for you. That soul-deep, self-sacrificing love.

Everyone wants to be loved that way. To feel important, like we matter to someone. So important that someone would give up anything just to give us what we need.

What would people say if they found out that someone already did this for them? Someone gave up their dreams, their rights, their desires to give them exactly what they needed and wanted.

You see, God has already done this… for you. God committed the ultimate act of love in coming to earth as his Son, Jesus, and dying a shameful death on the cross for crimes and sins that He did not commit. We did. He paid the penalty for us, so that we wouldn’t have to and so that we would have to opportunity to experience the LOVE that satisfies. So that we would have the opportunity to love God and not just perish in our lust, lies, debauchery, envy, rage, slander, impurity, guilt, hate, vengeance, drunkenness, gluttony, malice, slander… Without God’s self-sacrifice, we would be dead in our lives here on earth and that would only continue after our physical death here. But because of this sacrificial love that we all crave, we have the opportunity to experience REAL love, REAL life…

 

Accepting this sacrificial love requires that kind of love in return, but that’s for another time.

The Beatle’s sang, “All you need is love.”

Yes, that is all you need. God’s unending, relentless, reckless, sacrificial love.

amor asombroso

What wondrous love is this, oh my soul... that caused the Lord of bliss to bear the dreadful curse for my soul!
When I was sinking down... beneath God's righteous frown, Christ laid aside his crown for my soul.
To God and to the Lamb, who is the Great I AM, I will sing...
And when from death I'm free, I'll sing on, and through eternity I'll sing on...

One of the most amazing worship songs. It reminds me of the humble, awe-struck presence we are called to as followers of Christ.

I just wish I could approach the rest of my life with that confidence. That I don't really give a damn what anyone else thinks of me, I KNOW where I'm going when I die and I have such hope to LIVE the rest of my life for. In hopes that others will see... In hopes that others will come to KNOW GOD just by being a part of my life. Because just like that song, I shout it out with all of my being that Christ died for me, He's changed my heart and I live for him- because God has mercy on me and allows me to still walk this earth.

But alas.... the prince of this world awaits at every turn to try and pull me away, to distract me from the HOPE to which I cling. I loosen my grip and almost forget about it. Until I've gotten myself into such a mess, I cry out to the One who I know can and will rescue me...

And the cycle starts again...

But no matter how frustrating/complicated/disheartening this journey may be, I won't give up. I will continue to fight to break the cycle.

For the rest of my days, I'll sing on...

It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But it is absolutely vital to grasp that He didn't call you there so you could settle in and live out your life in comfort and superficial peace. His purposes are not random or arbitrary. If you are still alive on this planet, it's because He has something for you to do.

--Francis Chan, Forgotten God, p. 92

Psalm 19

I've been dwelling in Psalm 19 the last week. It describes what God's Word is for us, and I can't help but try and soak up as much of it as possible. This is what I know to be true:
God's Word is....
perfect, trustworthy, right, clear, pure, true, fair, more desirable than gold, sweeter than honey, a warning, and a great reward.
God's Word...
revives the soul, makes wise the simple, brings joy to the heart, gives insight for living, last forever.
Psalm 19. Read it.

brokeness/surrender

I've been listening to Flyleaf's latest album a lot lately. One of their songs in particular has really been pulling on my heart strings. The progression of the chorus lines through the song just blow me away.
Time for surrender
spread out your open hands
and He will raise you up
confessing all that's broken
and watch the healing come
spread out your open hands
admit you've held them shut
be swept away by this
...
See them surrenderspread out your open hands
and He will raise you up
confessing all that's broken
look at the healing comespread out your open hands
admit you've held them shut
be swept away by this
...
we spread our open hands
and He is rising up
repairing all that's broken
look at the healing come
we spread our open hands
forgiveness holds them up
we're swept away by this
"Our bodies are buried in brokenness, but they will be raised in glory. They are buried in weakness, but they will be raised in strength." -- 1 Corinthians 15:43

This song will never get old...

He's more than the laughter, or the stars in the heavens. As close as a heartbeat or song on our lips.

--Jars of Clay

For the Kingdom of God is not just a lot of talk; it is living by God’s power.

--1 Corinthians 4:20- Good Word.

me saca de quicio

DISTRAER - transitive verb, meaning "to divert" or "to distract"

This has been the story of my life lately. I've been married 25 days, just got back from the honeymoon, finishing up all of the legal aspects of changing my name, learning how to live with someone, etc... I feel like everything is a distraction. And it's driving me nuts.

Todo me saca de quicio. 

My attention is being diverted at all times and I can hardly focus on getting one thing accomplished. Even when I do, I find myself constantly thinking of other things and not giving my full attention.
This has been awful for my relationship with God. I am hardly spending time in prayer and in the word, and what I do is far from quality. I've just been trying to tell myself that once things settle down, I'll be able to get back where I was... but what I am finding is that things will never settle down. I will never be back where I was. God has brought me to a new place, with new things and new challenges. And it's up to me to press onward, toward him, re-fixing my eyes on Jesus, and pray for God to change my heart and my motivation.

The Holy Spirit LIVES in me. Of course He's going to respond when I cry out for peace and connectedness during the chaos we call life.

En el caos, en tormentas sé que sigues siendo Dios... No hay nadie como tú. 

I'm done being distracted. I'm ready to move forward.

odiar

In FIVE days, I will be married. I've been counting down the days for so long, it seems surreal that it's actually going to be here in a matter of days. Something that's stuck on my heart that I've been pondering lately and recognizing in my life over the last month is the fact that Satan hates marriage.
The woman in our mentor couple prayed for me a month ago, and she said in her prayer, "God we know that Satan hates marriage, so we just pray that you protect them..." It shocked me like a flash of lightning. I wanted to stop her and say, "Hold up- Satan hates marriage?! Where did this come from and WHY have we not talked about this?!" It was nothing had ever occurred to me before. Satan hating marriage...

So, I spent quite a bit of time wondering why. Why does Satan hate marriage? If that's true, what am I getting myself into?? Something ELSE in my life that Satan hates....

But then I started to see ways that Satan hating marriage has manifested itself in society. Infidelity, divorce, abuse... None of those things are of God, nor are they how God created relationships to be. God may allow these things to happen, but He does not cause them. It's heartbreaking and disgusting how the enemy can just weasel his way in and destroy relationships.

I finally realized that it completely makes sense that Satan hates marriage. I mean, marriage between a man and a woman emulates the relationship between Jesus and the Church (the body of Christ). Duh! How could I not see that? Of course Satan hates anything in my life that is of God- and marriage definitely is of God. So the enemy hates and seeks to destroy everything about marriage and people who are entering it. Even people who don't know God. Because this THING- this bond, this commitment- they are making is of God, created by God, orchestrated by God, made in the image of God and His relationship with His people. Satan wants to destroy any hopes of people coming to know God and marriage is a very easy target.

So even though I'm so excited and joyful to be marrying the man of my dreams and best friend this Saturday, I know I need to be on my guard even more so now. And I need to be actively praying for my (soon-to-be) husband, his walk with God, and for our relationship.

It's a seemingly daunting task, but I'm ready to take it on. With my best friend.

Psalm 42

I am getting married in 11 days. I feel like I'm remaining relatively calm, but there are so many little detail things that need to get done. I find myself constantly running through the list of things that need to get done in my head over and over again. Not that going over it gets any of it done.

I did have a brief period today when I was overwhelmed with how some things were going to get done; pretty important things, like getting our marriage license, so you can understand my panic.

I took some time this afternoon to go for a walk through campus- something that always calmed me down in college. I stopped at the part of the Red Cedar behind the Admin Building, where the water rushes down the ledge. I had forgotten how much time I had spent sitting there, letting God calm me amidst the chaos in my life. It was so soothing and refreshing. And reminded me of verses from this psalm.

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God. 

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God? 

...Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me. 

By day the LORD directs his love,
at night his song is with me—
a prayer to the God of my life. 

...Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

vv 1-2, 7-8, 11

Still, amidst the chaos in my life, God calls to me, calms me, and makes me stand in awe of Him. He knows just what I need and He always provides. That's my God. Amazing.

I am dirty, so unworthy

There has been some scripture that has been laying on my heart and in my mind a lot of the last week or so.

In Acts, Luke is recounting what happened after Jesus rose from the dead. It actually reads kind of like an adventure story. But the part of it that has been sticking with me is in chapter 11- Peter is telling the other apostles about this vision that he had, where a voice from heaven is telling him to eat things that have been seen in his culture as "impure" or "unclean" for thousands of years. Peter is appalled at this request, but the voice tells him, "Do not call something 'unclean' if God has made it clean."

After this event, Peter has an opportunity to share the gospel with a group of Gentiles and all of them come to know God through that and receive forgiveness for their sins, a rite that was only for the Jews until Jesus came. And Peter defended himself to his fellow apostles by saying, "Who was I to stand in God's way?"

According to biblical standards, I am a Gentile. To my knowledge, no one in my family history was ever Jewish. Back in those days, I would have been looked at by others as "impure." As sinners, we are all unclean and impure. But through Jesus' sacrifice and God fulfilling His plan of redemption, we are all made clean.

But, how? Why? Why would God ever decide to do that? It doesn't make sense.
That's God's crazy love. It really reminds me a lot of the song "You and I" by Shane and Shane. The bridge of the song has one of them singing the words, "You are clean, I've called you clean..." over and over while the other sings in the background, "I am dirty, so unworthy..."

Do not call something 'unclean' if God has made it clean. 

Good Word.

 

This picture was taken two years ago, on the roof of a parking structure in East Lansing. The sunset tonight really reminded me of that. Of God's beauty and His love.

lamento

I've been feeling a lot like a tortured soul these days. If you've heard "Again" by Flyleaf, that's what I feel like my heart and soul are like right now.

Longing with no satisfaction. Reaching with nothing to hold on to. Aimlessly wandering with no direction.

Okay, so that's probably being a little dramatic. But really, I have been feeling like my soul is being tortured these days. The longings in my heart are growing stronger and I feel like I'm just crying out to God because I know He's the only one who can satisfy the desires of my heart... and yet, He's not.
I feel like God's giving me the, "be still and know that I am God" answer. I know this verse gets misused a lot, and I'm not trying to do that here.

Amidst all of the doors slammed in my face, the unknown of the future, the desires I know I have because God gave them to me, and the crying out, I feel like sometimes I'm begging and pleading with Him to MOVE in my life because I don't see it and I don't feel like He is.

But He's saying to me, "Be still and know that I am God." - "Lisa, I am working and doing things in your life. Just because it's not turning out like you thought it would doesn't mean I'm not here and I'm not moving. And as for you, I am preparing you for something that better and greater than you ever could have imagined. It's not going to be the glamorous little picture you've planned out in your head. My plan is way better than that. I just need you to trust me. Trust me and follow me. Know my love for you is true and run after me with all you've got in you. Show me your love for me by living your life as a sacrifice to me. I know you're trying and you don't know what I'm doing right now, but keep on trusting. I know the plans. And they are fabulous. Just be still, and know that I am God."

la providencia amarga y dulce

I'm currently reading an amazing book by John Piper called, "A Sweet and Bitter Providence," about the book of Ruth in the bible. It's got a lot of amazing stuff in it about God's hand in our lives when things are going wrong and we feel like he's dealt us nothing but bitterness. Ruth was an extraordinary woman, who I know I have a lot to learn from.

Here we have a picture of God’s ideal woman—and we
will see more of her quality later. Faith in God that
sees beyond present bitter setbacks. Freedom from the
securities and comforts of the world. Courage to venture
into the unknown and the strange. Radical commitment in the relationships appointed by God. This is the
woman of Proverbs 31:25 who looks into the future with
confidence in God and laughs at the coming troubles...   (p. 35)

I am not sure if that's something I will ever live up to, but I pray to God that he would make me into a woman even half as faithful as she.

Finally, we learn that if you trust the sovereign good-
ness and mercy of God to pursue you all the days of your life, then you are free for radical love like Ruth’s. If God calls, you can leave family, you can leave your job, you can leave your homeland, and you can make risky commitments and undertake new ventures...    (p. 46)

Tears

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.

--Washington Irving

corazón por Haití

Last night, I spoke in front of the youth group about Haiti.
I first shared with the kids about my passion for missions, the fire that lights in my heart when I hear about the "GO" part of Riverview's mission. This all got started on my first mission trip ever in the summer of 2005- in Haiti. At the time, I didn't really know why I was going. I just knew that it was a good thing and that's what Christians do. Love God, help others.

There's an immense need for water in Haiti. The average Haitian consumes and uses 3 liters of water per day, while the average American consumes and uses around 500 liters of water per day. So we worked to meet that need by building "raincatchers"- these gutter-filtration systems that catch and hold up to 3 gallons of water. It was amazing to see the joy on people's faces when we would come hiking to their homes with all of our supplies.

But it wasn't until later that someone told me that people are much less likely to hear and accept their spiritual needs being met.

On top of that, Haiti is a very spiritually dark place. Even though the nation is officially Roman Catholic, voodoo is believed in and practiced by a majority of haitians. Even within the Catholic church, people think they can practice both catholicism AND voodoo and there is nothing wrong with it.

Voodoo may seem silly to us, the way it's portrayed in movies, but it's really not a joke. When I was on the trip, our group was walking through a village square and a woman was chanting and screaming things at us. She was cursing us for the work we were doing there.

After all that's happened there with the earthquakes and aftershocks, if you were to look at a haitian and tell them, "Bondye renmen ou" (God loves you) chances are extremely slim that they would believe you.

So how will they know? How will the people of Haiti know that the God who created the universe loves them with an undeniable love and has saved them from spending eternity in hell? How will they know we we who do know just sit here and do nothing?

Home

el fuego

and this is my prayer in the fire,
in weakness, in trial, or pain
there is a faith proved of more worth than gold
so refine me, Lord, through the flame

i will bring praise, i will bring praise
no weapon formed against me shall remain
i will rejoice, i will declare
God is my victory and He is here

all of my life, in every season
You are still God
i have a reason to sing
i have a reason to worship

these are some of the lyrics to "desert song" by hillsong. lately, this song has been fueling the love in my heart for God. that's really the only way i can describe it. when i listen to it while driving, i have to fight the urge to close my eyes and raise my hands (only so i don't die in a car crash and/or endanger the lives of everyone else on the road) that's just the impact the song has on my heart.
if you haven't heard it, you should definitely check it out. it's rocking my insides.

It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and this land is likely to quench the fire of the gospel. It is proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity.

--Frederic D. Huntington, Forum magazine, 1890 (though I took this quote from CrazyLove by Francis Chan, ch 4, p. 65)

2010

Even though I began the first 20 minutes of the year with the hiccups, I feel very blessed with the start of the year.

• I have a part-time job (hence, why I am up so early on a Saturday)
• I exchanged a bible I had gotten for Christmas and got a different bible and two worship cds for only $12
• I started reading a book (crazy love by Francis Chan) that is challenging my walk with God and how I live- and it's amazing
• I get to marry my best friend, the man of my dreams, in 70 days

I know later in the year, I will probably forget this. But I want to have these things recorded, so I am more likely to remember. It's an amazing God we serve. He has blessed me abundantly.